I never have nightmares, but I do sometimes have dreams that make me feel sick once I wake up. While dreaming them, I am not terrified, but when I wake up, I can feel really awful. Dreams that have done this included waiting to be crucified with Jesus, atomic and nuclear bombs going off on the horizon, the sacrifice to save a kid from genocide dream I described before, and occasionally others. Last night was awful like that once I woke up.
There was other stuff that happened, but I felt so sick by it I had no motivation to write it down earlier, and basically wanted to forget most of it, so it would be easier to write. I know before the really awful part, there were a group of us who were gathering together. We were superheroes, or heroes without superpowers, but... anyway. It never mattered in the end.
I was sleeping, and I woke up (into another dream, never actually woke up). In my sleeping, I had dreamed of hearing someone screaming. I woke up, and my bedroom window was open, and someone was actually screaming out in the park behind our house. I didn't think much of it, it happens all the time. And I could hear my mom and sister awake upstairs. But the screaming continued. Finally I went upstairs. My mom and sister had heard the screaming. They told me someone was being raped out in the park. In panic I called the police. But my mom and sister did nothing. We all stood in my sister's room, with the lights out, the window cracked, hearing this woman screaming, screaming, you could hear in her voice that she was fighting. And we knew, and I won't argue it because the rules in dreams... each night the dream world is a different world. And each dreamworld has it's own rules. And in this one, if we had gone out to help her, we would have most likely been raped too. Or killed. And so we did nothing. We sat inside, not helping this woman, as we heard her screams out in the park in the dark, where we couldn't see her. Because it would be dangerous to ourselves, we let her get raped. Better her than us?? At the same time, I knew if it were me, I'd want help. I'd want people to come stop him. And if others tried, enough of them... they would succeed. I'd be saved. If enough helped. But no one wants to take that first risk. No one did for this woman. The whole neighborhood stood in fear and did nothing as they heard her screaming out there, somewhere in the dark, while we were all safe.
I was utterly ashamed when I woke up. Some dreams take a few minutes or even a few hours to wear off. Even though you know they aren't real... sometimes something about them..... I was so ashamed when I woke up. Because the fear and the feeling were too real. To the point that I wonder... if being harmed were so assured as it was in the dream, would I stand up and help someone, or would I cower as I did in this very real-feeling dream? And to think, just earlier in the dream, we'd been a group of superheroes. I felt ashamed for hours how I handled myself, even though it was a dream.
I felt sick all day thinking about this dream. I still hate to write it out. But the time and the bits of it I've forgotten make it easier. I don't remember images.... truth is though, I can still hear her screams. I can still feel her emotions. It still makes me sick. This is one of the worst dreams I've had in a long time.
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