Recent dreams; 911 theme

In many of my recent dreams, none of which I remember well enough to record, there is something that keeps happening. There is a disaster I witness. I call 911. And it doesn't work. And I keep trying. But can never get through. Like in one, I would dial 911, and the 9 would change to another number. I keep wondering why I have it. Almost like in my real life, I feel overwhelmed and like I need help and advise, but I just can't get it or find it. Which is true. But who knows. Clearly there is some feeling there that keeps coming out in the failed tried at calling 911.

Dream; Crazy dragon and espionage

 There was a dream I was in one of the major big bookstores, that also had an electronic reader. Over the course of the dream, the books were all removed and the store changed, and I was told I couldn't read books there anymore. It was awful.

There was a dream that I climbed up into the top of my closet, which as a semi-finished basement room, has no roof and opens into the inner working of the house. In the dream, I actually got all the way up there, and discovered a secret exit out of the house, a small foot high opening. This was what always let the cold air in during the winter. My mom was showing me ways to escape. There was a cat who had come in that way, and had kittens. I found kittens in this secret part of the house. I tried to figure out how to escape if we were attacked, but the way to the opening was on the other side of a furnace, or the metal vents that go through the house I guess, and it was so hot it was steaming. So my mom told me I had to go down to the left (the opening was on the right) and go around the metal venting. I got down, and discovered that the finished portion of our basement was only half. There was the entire rest of the basement, unfinished, cut off from the rest of the home, secretly there.

I was also outside in one dream, flying over houses and practicing my mental flying skills. Because in a dream it's all about imagining the view from above the ground. If you can't, you can't fly. You have to see it in your minds eye to be successful, and that's the hard part. So I kept trying and was doing pretty well.

There was a dream with me and my sister Lee outside a big building, where we weren't supposed to be, but people inside would think we didn't know that and let us be. We couldn't see them from outside.

So I could fly.

There was also a segment where we were in a theatre. I don't remember who, or why, or what happened. I know I found some more powers that I have, but I can't remember what they were. Judging from the book I was reading the night before though, that I feel made an appearance in the dream, I believe I was able to shift my appearance into anything, human, animal, mist, etc.

In the last dream, I trusted these two men, and of course my sister. So the one I knew better took my sister, and I went with the brother, who I knew less but seemed to trust more. In order to get into the prince's castle, one had to offer themselves as a slave to his service. In order to even be trusted. These brothers had a mission and knew we needed to get in. My sister and the first brother first set it up. They fastened themselves in neck collars that then attached to this sort of portable lamp stand looking thing, but held them upright. It was purely for show and ceremonial... at this point. This was not the house of our leaders.

Some group came and took them away. Then it was my turn. I felt awful and helpless, but the brother with me whispered in my ear to trust him. And I did. The entire dream I always wondered if he was the kind of person you magically had to trust if he told you to, however in my own mind's mythology those people only have that ability if they actually are trustworthy. They can force you to trust them, but it doesn't work for them if they lie. But I never knew if he was that kind or not. I think I just trusted him and his character the regular way. So we fastened ourselves into the ceremonial collars. It was the same as my sister and hers, but up close I saw. First they attached around your neck, then to each other, then to the stand. Then you stood in the corner of this fancy red carpeted wooden hallway that took a step onto a bridge with windows and entered the castle. And we waited.

I still didn't know why, but I knew we had a reason for the good of everyone that we absolutely had to get into the castle, sort of as spies, but to help.

When the next group came, it was the prince himself. I immediately disliked him. He was young and overdressed and had white curly wigged hair. And he was clearly trying to play with the hearts of the many girls surrounding him. He was playing with someone's hair at the time. He was surrounded by officials too. Rich spoiled brat. I instantly disliked him and also feared him. What if he set his attentions on me, or tried to? The brother with me understood what I was feeling, apparently, and wrapped his arms around me and told me to trust him again, and not to worry. After that we kind of shifted to where I was slightly hiding behind the brother, and looking out over his shoulder at the prince. Because it felt a little safer on some instinctive level, although of course it wasn't.

The prince saw us and didn't say much, just grabbed us by the connecting bar and started pushing us into the castle. After the indoor bridge the palace opened up to the left with a wide five to seven step staircase. When he pushed us up that, I was pulled off my feet, too short to reach because the brother was taller than me. He wrapped his arms under my crossed arms and picked me up, to carry me up the stairs as he walked. He carried me down the hallway too. The prince was not exactly gentle. I was having a difficult time trusting the brother at this point, but at least he was taking care of me. And so far we weren't separated. And from all the other dreams last night, I knew I still had a lot of powers up my sleeve. Flying away among them.

When he dropped us off, I think we were supposed to wait with the ceremonial collars still on. I took it off, and he probably did too. The prince disappeared. I heard some noises and looked out a door to some huge cages. I mean, this was a huge area. Like a stable, but probably four stories high inside, with an open side on the right, and maybe a football field down to the left. I looked and saw inside the first three cages flying beasts, kind of like dinosaurs, but not quite. More like mythical flying creatures. I left the spot I was supposed to stay at and immediately went to them. I wanted to fly them. I was drawn to it. I headed to the cage, and saw girls inside tied up, but trying to tame the creatures while unable to move. I realized that this was not cruelty, it was the only way to gain the trust of the creatures, although it was dangerous. They were not horses. You couldn't tame them as you tame a horse. You had to earn their trust in other ways, and most importantly they had to relate to you. In the cages, they felt trapped. And so they would only trust riders who were also trapped. I was willing to do it if it meant I could ride one.

In the next cages there were horses. With girls trying to tame them, the usual horsy way. Then after those were lions and bears. I didn't feel too interested in those, but there were girls in there, one each taming their lion and bear. Different method from horses, but again, I didn't care enough to observe what it was. After that, the cages alternated. Some horses. Some flying creatures. Some other animals.

And at the end the cages turned ninety degrees and continued on farther around the corner of the palace. But that end corner cage was four times the size of all the others. And I knew that inside was a dragon. Suddenly my interest in the flying creatures was to the dragon what the horses had been to the flyers. I knew I wasn't supposed to be wandering around, but I hurried down to that cage. And found a young baby inside. He was beautiful. Not the regular appearance, but I'm afraid I can't remember it well. He was about the height of a man, and there was no one inside training the creature. I knew no one had been found for it yet. Because dragons were hard to train. The flyer and many of the other creatures were also deadly if you didn't do the needed tricks to relate to them. Or if you weren't the right person. But the dragon type of person was rarer to find, and harder to relate to.

I went to the cage, drawn, and when the dragon saw me, I tried singing to it in nonsensical words. You know, animals like the tone, but they can't understand what you are saying. Anyway, the dragon tried many times to blow fire at me and kill me. Blowing the fire out of the cage at me. It was scary. But it felt like... in real life I love parrots. And they generally like me. Sometimes people warn me that they are not very nice, and next thing you know they love me, and people are surprised, and in the next instant with no warning they bite me. I had it happen once and he almost took a chunk out of my thumb. It felt like, oh, I guess I don't have the touch after all. But I do because I still love you despite the fact you are just being you. But I don't. But I do? Anyway, felt that way with the dragon trying to kill me. I felt disappointed, clearly I wasn't right for it, but maybe it was just that I didn't know how? Maybe just the singing was wrong but I was right? I went back to the brother, who noticed where I had been the entire time.

When I came back, there were some horses... who in weird dreamland were the sizes of dogs and lying on the couches like dogs. Just two of them. I went to pet one, because I was good with horses, and the horse freaked out. While the dragon had not bonded with me, I had bonded with it in some way that made me more wild, had more fire in my eyes, that terrified the horse. The dragon had gotten in my blood.

When the prince came back, the brother requested to speak to him alone. As a character, I didn't know what was said. As that omnipresent dreamer of a dream, I did. So what happened was this. The brother went in with the prince and asked him for my hand in marriage. You see, since we had offered to serve the prince, we sort of belonged to him now, and it was his hand to give. The brother was asking for a few reasons. The main one for the brother was that the prince would never turn his attentions on a married woman, so it would protect me. But there was another reason, the one that would convince the prince. He explained that despite no permission, I had been drawn out to the animals, which generally meant I needed to train one, because it was a magic land, and the irresistible pull of it meant something if someone felt it. He then told the prince that I had gone down to see the dragon. Which got the prince's attention but meant little. Everyone wanted to see the dragon and be that special person. It didn't mean much by itself, although it meant a little because most people were too scared to even get that close. But then the brother told the prince about the horses terrified of me after they returned.

This got the prince's attention because it showed the dragon was in my blood, part of me now, which happened to view people. It had changed me in a way that couldn't be undone. And the prince was looking for someone to bond the dragon with and train it.

The reason the brother asked for my hand in marriage, at least the true reason that he told the prince, was that I would be furious. I would be angry and scared and horrified at this decision that I had no say in, that would affect the rest of my life. Both the brother and the prince knew enough about dragon training to know that this feeling was exactly what was needed to bond with the dragon. And just like the dragon I would attempt to flee, and when I couldn't, I would fight back. Just as a dragon would do. The prince consented.

They took me out near the dragon cage, and this is where they told me that the brother had asked for my hand in marriage and I was going to marry him. I tried to fly away, as my fleeing. But the brother knew I could do this and grabbed me before I could even get off the ground. He especially didn't want me revealing this to the prince or anyone else. And so then I got angry and started to yell and argue and lash out physically. The prince had opened the cage door, and in my anger I ended up falling inside the cage. Or maybe he pushed me. I don't know. I was still so furious that I didn't even care about the dragon. Not even when he came up and bit my arm, latching on. At which point I stopped moving. The dragon looked me in the eye, and tasted my blood. The prince explained outside the cage that by tasting my blood, the dragon could tell what I was feeling, from hormones, and would know that the way I felt at this time was the same as the way the dragon felt. When the dragon finally blew it's fire, it was again outside the cage, at the prince and the brother, and it was in defense of me as much as the dragon himself. We were bonded.

When I came out of the cage, they explained this to me, so that I understood why they had done what they did. I asked if now that it worked, if I could not marry him, and they said no, the dragon knew lies and would know. I actually had to marry the brother. And it was still as horrible as it seemed at first. I left.

When the brother found me, he again told me to trust him. He said that we still had our mission, and while he had thought I would be perfect for an animal, this was even more of an opportunity than he had first dreamed to hope for. I hated the idea of being married to him, because of course that mean sleeping with him, and I liked him, but not in that idea! And basically that's where the dream stopped. But I was able to get a little more from dozing after waking.

The prince explained to me later that the reason he played with girls was that it gave them the feeling needed to relate to the horses. He never slept with them. He told me that the feeling of fear and more than that, anger, of being in a situation one didn't want, made me relate to the dragon. He did play with my hair, and he said the fact it didn't make me feel crazy about him, but hate him more, made me perfect for the dragon. I begged again to not marry the brother, and he asked why not, because I did like him, and I trusted him enough to be a slave to the prince, which was true. I told him I couldn't imagine doing the married things with the brother. The prince then rubbed my hand and arm, put his hand on my hip, and got very close to my mouth, and I didn't fight him away, and he told me, see, all women if given time can be seduced. So don't worry about that. The brother will know what to do. You should be worried about his character more than the chemistry. The prince then said I was feeling what was needed for horses and got a little closer and more pushy than I liked, and it scared me and I screamed and fought him off, and he said, now the dragon will smell the fear and anger again on your blood, otherwise a second ago it would have killed you. Then he left me.

And yeah. The brother explained that we needed me, with my flying and other super skills, and the dragon, in order to save what we needed to save. He hadn't told me yet. But I did trust him, and know that he was good, and I did feel safe with him. And knew it was good to marry him, but it still made me furious I had no say in it.

Dream; Four nations

We were all part of some sort of theatre or dance group. And then we split up into four groups. Those four groups each had a leader, someone who would then pick his group. Mine was picked, and I was glad to be part of it. Then we all moved out of the theatre. I started screaming that we all had to move, and leading my group up hill. They followed, mostly fast enough. We got up a hill and a flash flood came, from two sides. There was one more girl too far below, and the leader of my group and I ran back down to help pull her up, but she was swept away. As the water subsided, we realized she was still there, and we went down and got her, dragging her up just as the waters rose a last time. The other three groups had been down below, only I had known danger was coming. Somehow someone must have survived, because the four groups then became four families or villages, from here on out they would become their own little tribes and maybe eventually nations. I then left one day to visit one of the other groups. At this time, my real life mother was the queen of our group. But when in the threatre people had been picked, they had just randomly picked, not thinking about the future, so a different leader had picked my father. I went down to visit him. He was very sad, but for some reason refused my invitation to reunite with my mom. He was the king of that land, and I think both of them just felt a kind of loyalty to their people, and couldn't walk away from their responsibilities. They were very sad. I left to try to find a way to fix it. One of the boy from my dad's people came with me. He had been in the threatre. He was a big fellow, with a square face, and young. He wasn't good looking at all, but he felt safe and protective and kind. We went. The dream got really beautiful at this point. We went into a forest with a long wooden covered bridge running the length of the river. Kind of a boardwalk. A very beautiful girl came up to me at this point, with a sword, to rob us. I fought her and quickly took the sword from her and was using it to hold her at bay. Turns out I had a knack for sensing danger, and for fighting. This was why I was one of the first theatre people to be chosen into a group. As she followed, trying to get the sword, and me using it to keep her from getting close enough to take it, I asked her if she was an elf, which she was. She had a lovely face and bright blond hair. No pointed ears! No. She had green clothing on, and flowers in her hair. The boardwalk finally crossed the bridge, and I wanted to swim into the water. She was starting to turn loyal to me and told me best not to, because of all the poisonous eels swimming around. There were hundreds, relatively small things, mostly on the surface of the water. So at this point we discovered I also was like banshee in x-men and could scream and scare all the eels away from a directed area. So she got into the water and turned into a swan or a duck or a goose. Something. And swam around for me instead. We crossed the bridge and the lake, and got out. The trail had three paths from there. Two went downward and kind of straight, the other was on our left and went up the hill. I decided to go up. Oh, it was so beautiful and real at this point in the dream. I also was very aware of dreaming, and consciously choosing to try and sleep longer, wondering how much longer I could stay asleep. We went up the hill, and I saw all the snow and realized that a character from one of my past dreams would be useful here. The time I had been a girl who could control water. But I couldn't get myself to become her. Soon though she came into the dream. She had mousy brown/grey hair, and was much more plain looking. She also used the water clinging to us to pull us down a bit, just make us heavier and have a harder time going up hill. Mostly she did that to the elf. But also to me and the square-faced young man from my dad's people. The water-controlling girl was trying to protect the queen of the forest, who lived at the top of the hill. We finally saw her. She was the biggest tallest gnarliest pine tree in the forest. She was huge, with a root system at the bottom that was big enough to build a house under. She was very thick and straight and tall, with only a few young green pine branches at the very top. She was very old. And definitely a tree spirit. In the house in her roots she took human form for us. She let us in and then all four of us; young man, me, water controlling girl, and beautiful elf, we all trusted each other and became a team, and it now included the forest spirit queen. Soon some men came to fight us or her, I don't know. But I went out to them with the elf's sword and was able to kill many of them. I don't know if I've ever killed people quite like that in a dream before. Like I was consciously choosing to be the person who cuts throats and stabs people. Like a soldier. It was strange. Then we went back to the cabin under the roots, and stared around at the surrounding mountains, at the homes, at the lakes below (lots of lakes below. It was like a river had been dammed up several times along the valley, creating multiple lakes as you went along, sometimes only separated by a thick line of rocks dumped in as dams. I mentioned how the lakes in Switzerland are bigger, which was true. But still they were beautiful. Then we went to nana and papa's new log cabin at the top of the mountain. And that's when I woke up, no longer able to hold the dream. But I should have woken up at the theatre. Actually, that's why I can't remember what happened in the threatre. That was before my alarm went off, and all this stuff after is what happened as I tried to stay asleep. I really liked that plain-looking strong boy. He was a good kid.

Dream; Nonsense dream of feelings

Bri and I rode the elevator to the top of a high rise building, maybe something like a hundred floors. We both felt a lot of vertigo. A lot. Even without looking over the edge through the windows. We mostly stayed in the elevator, and felt it from the knowledge of being high, without seeing it. We were both working up to looking but never did it before the dream ended. The top floor had a pool and restaurant with a glass ceiling and two levels. The ceiling was all glass and a couple stories above us. It was basically supposed to be on the inside of the cash-register looking building in Denver. Bri kept acting strange, like a child. Very fidgety, laying on the ground, moving funny in seats, wearing casual clothes in the business setting of the rest of the building, other than the top floor. I was embarrassed because all the business folks were really irritated with it.

The two of us also went to Tom's new house. It was supposed to be painted blue before, but I found it was sanded down to be painted. He let us follow him, but we took separate cars, and he didn't smile, just looked really irritated, and like he was putting up with me in order to do his social duty of being polite and respectful to all people. Bri took the lawnmower over to the grumpiest neighbor's house and left it in their driveway, and I had to go get it. But I couldn't yell at her, or Tom would disapprove, because he is very patient with people and prefers I be that way too.

It was all kind of a bunch of nonsense in the dream. I guess it was more a dream of feelings. Feeling vertigo, embarrassment, irritation, rejection, obligation, disapproval.

However. Again. The city in the dream, while cities used to be grey and ugly and give me dull colorless dreams, again in this dream it was beautiful. I guess I had to become familiar with it. Now that I have, my mind is sprucing it up as much as it always has done natural settings. It's nice, because it helps me see the city as being a little brighter once I wake up.

New Laptop!

I finally bought a new laptop computer, so I can again sit in bed immediately after waking and write down the dreams again, before I forget them. :) That took longer than I was expecting (overseas trips and expenses from that has that effect), but it's all good now.

It also means I can listen to my music in my room again and dance secretly. ;)

Music; Ronald Jenkees

Two more. :)

Computer

My crashed laptop actually was bad hardware So now I have to buy a new computer. Taking a while. I'm missing writing down and forgetting a lot of really awesome dreams. But oh well. In the meantime, Ronald Jenkees is the most amazing total nerd in the world right now.

Music; Ronald Jenkees

Song; Ludovico Einaudi - Lady Labyrinth

Modern, Contemporary, Hip Hop Dance mix

Modern Dance

Dream; Protecting singer and boy from assassin.

I was with Beth, and we were in a large hotel. A lot happened before this, but all I remember is the end. We walked down a bunch of stairs. I think I was in this hotel another night this week in the dreams I can't remember, and there is an excellent swimming pool there. Anyway, I followed her down the stairs. Open stairs with glass banister walls, and you can see out into the entire hotel courtyard, which is several floor levels tall. Inside plants. Must have been giant sky lights at the top. Open and airy and deep red carpet and really quite beautiful, like hotels. Went down several flights of stairs, following Beth. I just remember the scene, and it was very beautiful.

And then the story changed. I came across Lady Gaga. And I had been sent to get her because one of her security detail was going to murder her! I told her this, and she believed me right then because a bunch of rough folk on motorcycles went riding past right then into the hotel, including someone she glimpsed as a member of her security detail. Luckily she was behind a column and they didn't see her. So then we got her out of her wig and makeup so that she was a regular normal person, and I got her out of there. A few saw us and I had to shoot them dead... and this is when we come to why I was the one sent. Apparently I was some sort of superhero, and I could shoot something deadly (never figured out what... lazer bullets? poison? small knives? no idea) from my finger tips, and I killed people. So I got her out of there. We ended up hiding out in a nice apartment farther away. But when I say nice, I mean nicer than what a low income person would hide in. It was more like what a poor young adult just out of college would live in. Kind of cute and quaint. Anyway, we looked in several first, trying to find an empty one. I peeked in one that I recognized (as in, actually recognized). Now that I'm awake, I know that I've never been in an apartment like that, so I really wonder if I had seen it before in a different dream. I said earlier that I'm starting to suspect that happens. I finally found an empty apartment and in we went. So we hid out in there, and stayed away from the windows, waiting for the gang to leave.

One problem. While she was away hiding in another room under a bed or in a closet or something, and I was looking around the apartment, in walks the young man who is living in the apartment. Oops!

He was pretty vivid. Guess I was in an almost romantic mood in the dream and needed the romantic hero? Who knows. Anyway, let's see if I can describe him; I'm bad at describing people. Well built but lean. Average height. Blond wavy hair down to his ears. Caucasian. ...that's all I've got for you. About twenty five or twenty six years old, I should think. Twenty seven?? You get the idea.

So he walked in and saw me, and all my tough super hero feelings went out the window. I've noticed this in real life too. If I am helping someone else, or taking care of someone else, or comforting someone else; I am nearly fearless. If it's for myself, I become completely terrified. Well anyway, he walks in, and the crazy gang is going around outside right then, and he kind of gets the point, and I just admit to him what's happening and ask him to not give us away. I think he agrees to help.

Anyway, next thing I remember, he has actually turned into an older she, and in typical dream fashion this character becomes both a young man and an older woman of about fifty, grey hair pulled back in bun and also skinny, about fifty-five. And not only is there the singer that I am trying to protect, but now there is also a small boy, and I am trying to keep both of them safe, and they are both being hunted by the gang, who is definitely based on (but very different) to the good guys in the Chemical Romance music video Sing. But of course my gang is on motorcycles and they are the bad guys, and there are a lot more of them. But that video made it to my dreams.

And that's about all that happened. I started to wake up and actually forgot everything, and was so mad that I went back to sleep and stayed half asleep with my eyes closed until I remembered. I was pretty angry. I have discovered that the best way to remember is to come up with words while dreaming. I will forget the images, but if I say to myself key words, I remember those and it brings everything rushing back when I wake up. Today I remembered "Beth, stairs, Lady Gaga," and that helped me hold onto everything as I passed over that sleep/awake with eyes closed line.

Song; Chemical Romance, Sing

I find that while songs don't normally get me thinking in deep ways, this one has. It's also making me very sad.

The song is Sing, by Chemical Romance. I really adore the music, I think it's a beautiful sounding song.

In real life, I have been watching the way another culture interacts within their own families. They do everything wrong, according to us. The parents are supposed to give the children anything they ask for, and not say no. Older siblings are supposed to give to younger. Even when the children grow up. Not what we do.
At the same time, the children must give absolute obedience to the parents, even as adults married with their own families, and the younger siblings must obey the older, again, even as adults.
So different from us. But the result is different as well. Unlike here in America, everyone in their culture loves children, it's the most obvious thing in the world to them. The parents actually care for and spoil their children, and love and love and love them till it's almost too much to bear to watch from the outside. I want to cry when I see it. And the children end up growing up with such gratitude and respect that they care for and become the providers of their parents as soon as they are old enough, and take care of them into old age.
The result is that families have babies, children, young adults, young married parents, older parents, grandparents, great grandparents, all living in a closely knit community of family where people are not scared to be open and vulnerable and love and have feelings. They feel. They have hearts. I regain my heart when I am around them. It is a very safe environment to love others from the deepest part of your heart. This is what 'those' people mean when they say the family is being destroyed in America; we are losing this community of obligation and love and duty and safety and... I don't know. Obviously I can't make it sound appealing if you are bent against it. But I love it. We all miss it, perhaps only in our weak moments for those bent against, but the loneliness that is taken for granted in America is non-existent in this culture, and several of the others I work with. They just don't have that loneliness. Period. It's hard for them to imagine.

As one of the members of this culture and myself were discussing last night, mothers don't even breast feed their babies... they don't give of themselves, they don't want to be close. Breast feeding is almost taboo (almost, not quite). It's just one symptom of the selfishness and disconnection of our culture.


Anyway, I looked up the lyrics today for that song by Chemical Romance. With the above thoughts in my mind, this song became a profound example of our culture and what we feel, and it filled me with sadness.


-Sing it out,
Boy, you got to see what tomorrow brings.
Sing it out,
Girl, you got to be what tomorrow needs.
-For every time.
That they want to count you out,
Use your voice,
every single time you open up your mouth.
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-Sing it out,
Boy, they're gonna sell what tomorrow needs
Sing it out,
Girl, they're gonna kill what tomorrow brings
You've got to make a choice,
If the music drowns you out.
And raise your voice,
Every single time they try and shut your mouth.
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-Cleaned-up corporation progress,
Dying in the process.
Children that can talk about it,
Living on the webways.
People moving sideways,
Sell it till your last days.
Buy yourself the motivation,
Generation nothing.
Nothing but a dead scene,
Product of a white dream.
I am not the singer that you wanted,
but a dancer.
I refuse to answer,
Talk about the past,
Sir and wrote it for the ones who want to get away.
-Keep running!
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-You've got to see what tomorrow brings!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
Yeah, you've got to be what tomorrow needs!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.

Everything I thought regarding this all was just based on feelings. Keep that in mind.

My first thought was "What is the 'it' that we are supposed to sing about?" It bothered me, because it is so much a part of our culture, this vagueness that sounds deep but ends up meaning absolutely nothing. Sing it. Sing what? It's like, "Just have faith." In what? There is no such thing as having faith without there being something to have it in. So sing it.... sing what? But maybe there is a vague idea of it in there. "Every time they try to count you out, speak up." And so that's it. We are singing for ourselves. Singing to be counted... but counted for what? There is nothing. Just counted because in our culture, we are nothing if we are not individual, and so we are all the same in our pointless attempt to be individual for the sake of nothing but individuality. What do you get? How to be individual just to be an individual? Well. You have to be cut off. Alone. Independent, and disconnected for others. Selfish. It is incredibly selfish to insist on being heard just to be heard.

And then the song just morphs into a complaint about the dead corporate culture that eats away at our children. As if corporations, which provide jobs for people, are the source of the dying sentiment I feel in this song. The very thing the song seems to promote, the fight to be heard just to be heard and an individual just to be an individual, are, I would argue, what create the sense of dying and death that this song rails against. But it seems to want you to fight the wrong thing, mere organizations of people trying to work to stay alive (why?), when the thing that causes the symptoms they want to fight are exactly what they are saying to fight it with. It doesn't work.

Sing it for the world. Sing it for those who will hate your guts. If you have a noble song, these are noble sentiments. But do we?  Sing it for the ones you left behind. But why leave them behind? That's why you are in a dying culture; you left behind the ones you needed to be with, to provide for, to have an obligation to. You've got to see what tomorrow brings. What if it is bad? Because you are taking yourself down the wrong selfish path? You've got to be what tomorrow needs. What is that? I assure you it is not someone singing out nothings at the top of their lungs just to be heard for the sake of being heard, even if there is nothing to be said.  Singing 'it' is just not good enough, and it will be pointless to sing it for boys and girls. There is no help in that, and no better tomorrow for the boys and girls in that. There is just more of a dying hopeless trapped selfish disconnected world of individuals.

And yet the song is upbeat, inspirational sounding. And to my culture, it's an inspiring song. A song of pointless nothingness and blaming organizations of people who are working to provide for another organization of people (their families) or organizations of people who are working for themselves alone, the fact that this inspires my culture and is related to on a deep felt level by my culture... it makes me sad. It seems like a dying culture. It seems like my own culture is dying.

And then the video as well. I can see that the video is part of a bigger picture of more videos along the same theme and with the same actors. But that aside.

I don't know if this is what the na,na,na and Sing videos represent but I like to think that the "killjoys" represent the spirit of youth, imagination, happiness. the little girl represents children everywhere, the "destroyer" represents the strictness of adults, the "scarecrows" represent the "money side" of adults. where all they care is business. and the asian chick represents ignorance when adults see a child with a great mind as just a child.  -colombiansoldier1003 on youtube.

It is. It's like a song directed at children telling them to remain children.

Dream; Beauty and the Beast remake. New wedding?

Beauty and the Beast. No Gaston. His name was Dallon. At first I thought I was in the movie. Then I realized it was a remake of the movie. Everyone wore masks to play the parts. Pretty good masks and costumes, but it was live-action. I had to go into the castle ahead of Dallon to reach the beast. I went through three gold-colored gates, all in a row, where people who attacked would get stuck and hot things and arrows thrown down on them through holes in the walls above. I then got inside and went down an upward slanting hallway, quite richly decorated, very wide. Then turn right a second time and above the gated area below, was a staircase that went upward. Get up to the top, and another right turn had you in another hallway room. Dallon caught up with me here. He kept trying to throw a knife at me as I tried to prevent him from going down the next bend of the hallway (this one went left) and down to the rooms, in which one of them the beast was on the roof outside his room. It was a remake of the Disney movie... but plenty of similarities. I was not Beauty. The clock man was the most normal looking, without a mask, just a clock painted on his face, the time constantly changing. I kept trying to block his knife throwing with a sword, or with my little knife, but mostly I had to just distract him from throwing it before I got around the bend, because there was no way I'd be able to defend myself if he actually threw it at me. Anyway, something else happened that I must forget. Then, there was a little mouse who carried around scissors everywhere, named Sniss. We were always trying to get him to calm down and not cause damage. There was Dale... a fairly evil slave dealer.... except maybe he was the one who helped me escape? And after I escaped, there was this other guy who helped shield me until we got to my mom and dad's wedding. I was with the guy who was shielding me; I had come back in time to help my earlier self. Got to the wedding in the fancy building in downtown, and discovered they weren't marrying any others, just themselves again. It was just an anniversary vow renewal ceremony... which I hate the idea of. What's the point of a vow if it has to be renewed?? Anyway...

A Break

Because I tend to need to write down my dreams before I even get out of bed, requiring a laptop, which is currently crashed, leaving me with only a desktop on another level of the house, I probably won't be recording my dreams until we get Windows reloaded on the laptop. Yep.

Dreams; cities getting richer

Funny. When I spent most of my time in the suburbs or the college town, any dreams I had of big cities were just like the big cities. Grey and dirty and trapped feeling. But now that I'm spending lots of time in that area of town... my mind must have more to go off of. And the dreams in downtown cities are becoming just as magical as every other location. The cities are always full of color, lights, decorative trees and shrubs in gardens, bright shiny glass, and lots more. They are absolutely gorgeous.

Dream; Snow driving, Intent on buying thread.

I remember being at a fast food restaurant and trying to keep or help someone else keep a job there. I was also driving in the snow at night. On the drive home from the fast food restaurant, I drove down the hill and looked out toward the interstate highway. It was hilly, and I noticed for the first time (even though it had happened all my life, and even to me, although being in a car, I'd never noticed it before) that every time a car went over a hill, it jumped into the air from the momentum at the top, and sometimes went so high as thirty feet before coming back down.

Then I remember being in a store, like the size of Costco or Sam's Club or maybe Home Depot. There was an aisle, that tall, that on the second shelf had huge skeins of doily crocheting thread, and they were cheap, and in many colors, and I wanted to buy some. But I couldn't reach them. No one tall enough would help me (well, one did once, but then he left and I still needed more help). There was no ladder. Climbing on the first shelf would make the entire aisle tip over on me. It would be bad. I noticed some plastic bucket bins behind me, I tried standing on them, but they were too light, wobbly, and not tall enough. The shelf was maybe ten-thirteen feet above me. There was no employee with a mini-tractor thing they have at those stores for reaching the top shelves. I finally found that I could knock some of the skeins off by shaking the shelving thing. I got two that way. Not enough. I wanted four, I think. I finally noticed bigger plastic bins that were heavier and steadier behind me and used them to reach up. Then I woke up. I think this dream went on for an hour or so.... who knows in waking life. However, in dream world, I concentrated on getting that thread down for a REALLY long time, so much so that when I woke up, I wondered what in the world I was thinking and why it was so important to figure it out.

Dream; Deadly scavenger hunt where one meets serial killers

I was part of a team, and there were two of us. We were racing through a multi-story building that was actually a huge museum. I think I've been there before in my dreams, in a different section of it. But I think it was the same museum. This game was a sort of scavenger hunt, with us going from floor to floor to find things. However it was a deadly game. One of the floors was a forest, and my partner didn't kill the person from the other team who found us, but she tried to kill us, and we had to tie her, and then keep shooting back through the trees at her to keep her concentration off enough that we were able to run away safely, especially after she got loose and started shooting at us. She had a small pistol or small gun, I had a rifle. I never targeted her. We ran down the path, until we came to the edge of the building and found an elevator. We then went up the elevator to the top floor. It was mostly closed, all the rooms. It was a children's floor. No one there had the list of what we were supposed to find there. The other team was made out to have already been there so we'd hurry, but I knew they hadn't been there yet. We were the first to reach it. They'd be coming soon though. Eventually we found the clues, and then we waited. Others came. Finally they said if you were in love with someone, to come to the final room because they had something to read to us. If not, then if you didn't show by four, they'd read it to all. It seemed private and like you should go. There ended up being several of us, and we all knew we were in love with someone else there. I saw the guy I loved come in and sit on the other side. I knew he also loved me. They basically just read notes saying if we'd actually work out together or not. However they passed the notes down the line, and if you saw it and pretended you didn't know what it said, you could pass it on quickly and wait for one more favorable. So no one took them seriously. The museum floor opened and kids and their parents came in as we finished. One of the walls had a door missing, just had a heavy plastic door (like what you'd see at a meat department in a grocery store, or a swinging plastic door into the back of a grocery store) and outside of that, a drop of several stories, with a beautiful light green and blue foggy far view of the countryside with the sun playing on the distant hills, and fresh cool air coming in through the window. I think I could feel it. I loved to stand at the door, carefully holding myself back, and peak my head out and breath the air and stare out. I also had lost my shirt somehow and only had a small towel to hold, and I was mortified to stand or do anything because I was afraid of exposing my back and possibly front. I really wanted my love, who was there, to offer his jacket. Unfortunately that would show others who was in love with me which was still dangerous, and also I think he kind of liked it and didn't want me to cover up my back. I was feeling particularly modest about my back. And also I think he didn't have a jacket, only a shirt, so then he would be somewhat uncovered, which was also mortifying. I sat reading a book lying on my stomach, and he came in at one point, when no one was there, and then he gave me a jacket.

There was some hotshot young lover man going around, and he had his note saying he'd be successful with his particular love. He found his girl, and the dream transitioned to them sitting far out in the desert alone, because again, they didn't want anyone to know who they were. Maybe not a desert. It was more like a dry winter prairie on a sunny day. Blue sky. Bright dead grass as far as the eye could see, but yeah, with cacti and bushes in places. It was like a movie, and had the constraints of your typical PG-13 movie. They were sitting, him with his shirt off, and she undressed but had on his shirt. They sat and started talking. Well, he started talking about how in the past this had always gone wrong, and he was glad it would go well this time. I realized there was a girl lying behind the other girl that was watching, and the love girl hadn't noticed yet, neither had he. But she was there. She was a ghost haunting it, and she finally stood up and walked over to them. He complained that he was tired of her always ruining his love, and she laughed and pulled them up, and distracted him by arguing him until she had led both of them to a small natural pool of water with light dead reeds around it, and behind it an old abandoned prairie mansion, and in front of it a bunch of graves. Except you got closer and realized the line of women hadn't even been buried. He had serial killed them and then laid them out in a line on the dead bright tan grass, and this ghost was the first one and had talked with the other women killed, and they had decided it was time for her to come out and start preventing him from killing any others. They were in the back in various stages of rot. Anyway, the ghost killed him.

The dream then went back to me, and I was looking out the window on that high floor again. Then we all ended up going to a waterfall. It had various natural rock slides, but they were all pretty smooth and painless. Different ones. Maybe ten of them all in a row, as the waterfall was very wide, and not too tall. But it was perfectly steep, with just the slides slightly projecting out. On the right side, everyone was jumping down them without wearing anything, like children. They told me I had to do the same. I did once. It felt freeing and all. But men and women were both there. So then I went over to try another slide further down the left of the ridge, and there they said we could wear swimming suits, which I promptly did. I also stopped sliding and started just diving into the dark deep water from the top. About ten feet high. It was a lot of fun. I could really feel the water, and feel kicking back up to the surface, and holding my breath (I think I really did. I knew I didn't have to because it was a dream, but it felt like cheating... I think I held it in real life). It was very dark water.

Dream; Hill war

Last night I was on a hill. It was a country, or rather perhaps more like the village of a large tribe. They lived along this hill, more like the ravine part of it, with a cliff off to the side. I was often standing at the top, along a boardwalk. There was a boy who had slept for a long time, and he was upset to find so much had changed from before, hundreds of a years ago. It had come under a sort of bondage to gangster mob leaders as well.

Most interesting of all though was that criminals (or people they didn't like) were eventually placed in an unknown place to the rest of the people. Turns out there was a parallel society underneath the hill, under the cliff. People were banished there. But over the years it was children of criminals, not criminals. And... they were getting sick of being down there. When I got sent down, they were about to start their rebellion. They had grown strong over the years.

One of the gangsters thought to make a close friend of mine join him by killing his sister, so that he would be free. Naturally it didn't work.
And I forgot most of all of it. :)

Dream; Fifth Twilight book

Last night, I dreamed I was reading the fifth Twilight book by Stephenie Meyer. Had a character named Callen or Galen or... something. He was basically my Edward. And there were some adventures. And of course I was alternately reading the story, and actually in the story. I was alternately Bella, and someone separate, a friend of hers. And the Calen guy was alternately Edward and at the same time my own separate love. I don't remember the entire dream or story... I remember beautiful scenery of green mountains and hills and trees and... but I remember the feeling quite strongly.

There was this adventure. But we were invincible. We couldn't die, we couldn't be hurt. And it would never end, as we'd live on forever. The feeling? ...it was awful. It was a bored feeling.... 'ok, sure we can go on living these adventures... but nothing is at stake. nothing is a risk. there is no reason to care if we succeed or fail because we will just keep on living invincibly'. It was this hopeless endless incredibly bored feeling. I will admit, I woke up incredibly calm this morning. I opened my eyes still halfway taken by the dream, still feeling like it didn't matter if I woke up or stayed in bed, went to work or stayed home and got fired. Nothing mattered. I didn't need to eat. I didn't need to work. I didn't need shelter or a home. My body was invincible. In a hundred years anything I worked for at this point in time would have rotted or rusted away, people I fought for would have died anyway, and I'd still be exactly the same. No family, no children, no death, no fear. Nothing. I woke up feeling like, "Well, I'll get up and go to work today. Why not? Sleeping in is as pointless as getting up. Who cares?"

It was a really weird feeling. Sure. The entire world was open to me. Adventures of every sort were available. And there was nothing to fear. But there was absolutely totally completely no point to any of it, simply because there were no risks, fears, deaths, change. Nothing mattered. And I felt bored and almost wanted to die. I knew I would wish that I could kill myself within a mere couple weeks. I still felt like dying as my eyes opened. And then I realized it was all just the dream. I had to go to work, or I would get fired, and then be unable to pay for rent and food, and then freeze and starve, and then die, and then never work for anything or have any family. And... it seemed exciting. I was happy to go to work today.

I have to say though.... the characters in twilight lost a lot of credibility to me... it's possible for them to die in those books, albeit difficult. I'm surprised ANY of them haven't done that yet.... how could they not? I don't buy it anymore. And Bella.... I had my love in my dream. And let me tell you..... it did NOT make me want to live forever. It wasn't enough of a reason to me. It helped alleviate the pointlessness... but not enough.

Quote; totally awkward...

"Trying to describe what I do in prayer would be like telling the world how I make love to my wife. "
— J.I. Packer

Dream; Standing by too cowardly to help

I never have nightmares, but I do sometimes have dreams that make me feel sick once I wake up. While dreaming them, I am not terrified, but when I wake up, I can feel really awful. Dreams that have done this included waiting to be crucified with Jesus, atomic and nuclear bombs going off on the horizon, the sacrifice to save a kid from genocide dream I described before, and occasionally others. Last night was awful like that once I woke up.

There was other stuff that happened, but I felt so sick by it I had no motivation to write it down earlier, and basically wanted to forget most of it, so it would be easier to write. I know before the really awful part, there were a group of us who were gathering together. We were superheroes, or heroes without superpowers, but... anyway. It never mattered in the end.

I was sleeping, and I woke up (into another dream, never actually woke up). In my sleeping, I had dreamed of hearing someone screaming. I woke up, and my bedroom window was open, and someone was actually screaming out in the park behind our house. I didn't think much of it, it happens all the time. And I could hear my mom and sister awake upstairs. But the screaming continued. Finally I went upstairs. My mom and sister had heard the screaming. They told me someone was being raped out in the park. In panic I called the police. But my mom and sister did nothing. We all stood in my sister's room, with the lights out, the window cracked, hearing this woman screaming, screaming, you could hear in her voice that she was fighting. And we knew, and I won't argue it because the rules in dreams... each night the dream world is a different world. And each dreamworld has it's own rules. And in this one, if we had gone out to help her, we would have most likely been raped too. Or killed. And so we did nothing. We sat inside, not helping this woman, as we heard her screams out in the park in the dark, where we couldn't see her. Because it would be dangerous to ourselves, we let her get raped. Better her than us?? At the same time, I knew if it were me, I'd want help. I'd want people to come stop him. And if others tried, enough of them... they would succeed. I'd be saved. If enough helped. But no one wants to take that first risk. No one did for this woman. The whole neighborhood stood in fear and did nothing as they heard her screaming out there, somewhere in the dark, while we were all safe.

I was utterly ashamed when I woke up. Some dreams take a few minutes or even a few hours to wear off. Even though you know they aren't real... sometimes something about them..... I was so ashamed when I woke up. Because the fear and the feeling were too real. To the point that I wonder... if being harmed were so assured as it was in the dream, would I stand up and help someone, or would I cower as I did in this very real-feeling dream? And to think, just earlier in the dream, we'd been a group of superheroes. I felt ashamed for hours how I handled myself, even though it was a dream.

I felt sick all day thinking about this dream. I still hate to write it out. But the time and the bits of it I've forgotten make it easier. I don't remember images.... truth is though, I can still hear her screams. I can still feel her emotions. It still makes me sick. This is one of the worst dreams I've had in a long time.

Dream; Lucid dream hand experiment

That was sooner than I thought. I tested the hands last night after all.

Suddenly in my dream, the world turned into summer. Full of perfect detail of leaves. It was so real. There was a deep deep blue sky, and deep blue lake (but still with white snow and ice on it). There was deep green leaves and grasses. And deep yellow everywhere. Autumn leaves on the ground even alongside the green leaves. Golden sunlight coming through the trees. I mean, it was beautiful! Also, I flew a LOT. I flew by using... like the size of a book. I held it in my hands and let it catch the wind. If I wanted to go in any direction I'd change it's angle. If I wanted to go lower, I'd straighten it vertically. If I wanted to slow down, I'd flatten it.

The dream was based around the backyard of my parent's home. I flew over the lake. I flew around our backyard. It was sooooo perfect and rich and beautiful. The plot was minimal. I was avoiding Sarah, trying to eavesdrop on her as she walked with a group of girls to a building that was either a college class building or an apartment building. I landed on the roof. Green and gold painted roof. Scary because high. There was a trap door on it, that I opened. But it just opened into an elevator shaft. I got off there quick, it kind of scared me. She never saw me because I was flying above her. It was the easiest time I've ever had flying.

Anyway, when I first entered the backyard and everything was summer and so detailed, I remembered the last time something was so detailed and I made a note of it. It was when I reached out and touched a tree. When my dad told me the challenge yesterday of the hands, I told him about that time I'd seen my hand touching the perfectly real tree. So that made me think of the hands, and I remembered, and I did it.

It was weird! My hand would be perfectly normal. Then I'd start trying to lift my fingers one by one. I almost always got an extra one between my middle finger and pointer finger. Not one I could see. But I'd finish counting to five by the time I got to the pointer finger, and then the thumb would try to be six. A couple times I got it all right. But it took some concentration. I also had some rodeo scenes stamped into my hand in five small places, on the left hand. Someone by the name of Munarde Buffalo or something was the artist.

I also, along with Lee, tried to keep some stupid park boys from messing up our backyard. In the sandbox they were trying to put concrete foundations. They had cage wire all over, like for their own garden. They were mad at us for throwing it all out, and we just pointed out it was our yard. They also were trying to make us feel bad about the fence tilting and falling over, said it was from the mud on the outside. We informed them that it was actually from the sand built up on the inside due to a sprinkler breaking and flooding earlier, and then the snow pushed it down. (actually, it was wind in real life, then snow later). And.... I mean, flying was almost easy. And the colors were so real. I could feel the dream ending when the colors faded back to winter quality. I mostly just spent the dream flying around admiring the colors and detail and scenery and flying success. Not much plot. I was too aware of dreaming for there to be much story. It was just consciously enjoying the dream and what I could see. When I was waking up, I sang a song praising God for the beauty I had just been given and allowed to see.

It WAS beautiful. I wish I were an artist so I could share it all. Absolutely amazing.

Dream challenge

I've been challenged to look at my hand while dreaming. And then to lift one finger, then two, then three, etc. and see if I can do it. Apparently it's some sort of lucid dreaming test?

It will probably take several nights before I remember this during a dream. But I'll keep trying, and I should remember at some point. We'll see what happens then.

Dream; Secondhand Marijuana Smoke. Bedspreads.

At work in real life, they gave us a written notice about how they can ask us to get drug tested or search for drugs on our desks and stuff. I signed it and turned it in, it will be absolutely no problem for me. I've never been high, never tried any illegal drug, never been drunk, and don't even smoke. As for marijuana, I hate the way it smells beyond description. I have no problem with a drug test.

In the dream everything fell apart.

Bree was using medical marijuana. Often I told her it smelled awful and to please take it to the bathroom and close the door and turn the fan on, since those were the rules. But of course sometimes the smell still comes into the house. And I started to worry; will this affect my drug test? When I told our administrative assistant at work sarcastically and teasingly that "I have a real problem with this rule," and she said, "Yeah, alcohol is a problem in my family too," and completely missed my point that it will be no problem at all for me, was that because some days she thought she smelled marijuana on me and suspected me.

So I came in and one day, they were searching my desk. But when I walked in, they all acted guilty and wouldn't admit that's what they'd been doing. Even though the entire office was there watching, like it was amusing entertainment. But none of them would tell me what was going on. Then one of them took out a sensor and moved it around the desk, claiming he was checking for cell phone coverage, which was, for real (for real in the dream that is) very low around the vicinity of my desk. I realized I had a problem.

I was trying to remember in the dream, did I ever mention to my ex-roommate from rich-family-spoiled-educated-arrogant-hell that my sister used medical marijuana. This girl is very very ambitious and will scratch and claw her way into positions and even try to get others laid off to get there. If I had told her about my sister Bree with marijuana, she might very well spread the rumor around that I used it. No wonder I was the first person they suspected! They probably even handed out the notices at work specifically because of me! They probably thought I was so tired not because of a minor sickness, but because of drugs! I got frustrated that day not because my coworker was yelling at me unfairly, but because of drugs! I smelled of drugs! And no wonder I am always eating and eating and eating at work. No one would believe it was because I didn't eat much while actually at home. Everyone knew all about me! In their eyes, I was a druggie!

Of course I knew they'd ask me to get a drug test. So I decided to test it, because I was suddenly terrified about secondhand marijuana smoke and what it would do in the testing phase. I went to a small set up outside of the grocery store where they did free sample testing for drugs. Why not, right? I took it. My score was 79. The limit was 90. 341 or something like that would mean you'd been doing lots of drugs. It was one of the limits. But if you reached 90, you were considered positive for the drug test. So I was not at 90, but still kind of high. Clearly the secondhand smoke had an affect.

So I headed off to see Bree and let her know she just had to be more careful around me, or I could get fired from my job! Because how could I prove I did no drugs? No one would believe it was my legally medical marijuana family member, because of the gossip and rumors spread by the evil coworker. So she just had to be careful. I went to talk to her about it, at the top of the hill, and she just got angry at me. She used a few puffs right then and there on some funky hooka machine/asthma treatment machine and just looked at me and told me, "You can't even smell it right now!" which was true. She did that three or four times. I finally just left, horrified, and decided I just had to avoid her. I did want to see if that had had any affect on me though.

So I headed back to the test table at the grocery store. I took the test again. Sure enough, now the score was 86. Definitely higher. Definitely dangerously close to 90. I was horrified to learn that the secondhand smoke ruined my testing chances, even when I couldn't smell it. And that Bree didn't care and would not be careful for me. And then I noticed the testing table workers up to something. They informed me that when someone is as high as 86, even though it's not 90, it's close enough to merit closer testing and that they were obligated to call the police, who were now on their way to arrest me.

Now I would definitely get fired. How could I ever convince them I did not do drugs if it all went so far as to get me arrested by the police?? I was so mad. Funny how I never would dream of doing any drugs, but they made that new drug test policy at work specifically in regards to me, and now I was getting arrested! I was only trying to see what would happen if I took a real drug test! Now these little test table folks were getting me to go to jail for drugs I never actually did!

I kept reminding myself that when I woke up, I just had to look into secondhand marijuana smoke, because probably they did smell it on me in real life and probably it was made for me, and probably that's why the administrative assistant misunderstood my joke! Now that I'm awake, I'm definitely not worried. But man, I told myself to remember. I was quite worried.

I also had a dream in a department store. I hate department stores. I was there with my mom. This store, to all horror, had not one or two levels, but three! I was glancing around for the dresses, never did really find them. I think I had to sneak to another level and turn on the light. Anyway, I was also searching frantically for a new bed spread, and looking through all the cheap ones on clearance. Most of them were quilts, which was sad. Or they were for bigger beds than mine. There was an adventure going on around all of this. Unfortunately I seem to have forgotten it. Stuff in the dark rooms of the big department store.

I remember that there were two dreams I really wanted to remember. The first was the secondhand marijuana problems. But that ended when I woke up and visited the bathroom. Then I went back to bed and I had another plot-filled dream, and wanted to remember it. But when I got to the waking point of "wake now and remember this, or sleep in and probably forget it," I really wanted to sleep in. It's like too little and too much sleep can both make me forget the dream, and I have a point where I can make that choice to wake up or not, depending on how much I want to record it. I decided today to take my chances. And I remembered one of two, so not too bad.

Dream; Aide to President-elect

There were elections of some kind around my neighborhood.

Oh. First, I was with a boy from another culture, and we had to keep any relationship secret from the rest of his people, and so he'd try to sneak off with me, always very close to me physically as we walked, and I'd keep my distance from him, like a game almost, in the outdoors in the snow at night near my home, in the parking lot. It was snow that was a few days old, had been driven on, melted, refrozen, etc. so you had patches of dry road, patches of ice, patches of stiff snow. I'd run around, the feel of running was wonderful. Good thing too. A nosy neighbor and his mom both followed us outside. She liked that I was trustworthy and wasn't off cuddling with him or something. For some reason that got his mom reading a book about Christianity. A book I never read, and felt somewhat apprehensive about regarding it's quality... it looked pretty bad actually. But she wanted to read it.

Anyway, then this neighborhood elected new officials (for our country). We had someone who would be president. There was one point at which I realized that it was irrational to think an official elected by one neighborhood would be president of the country, so then it temporarily changed to him being our district's nominee for our party... still a little weird. Anyway, he soon went back to being the president-elect.

Anyway, at one of the meetings, he kneeled down to pray and be prayed over by the neighborhood. Obama showed up and came over and stopped them/us, and wouldn't let us pray. I started quoting George Washington's Farewell Address to him and everyone around in a loud voice, the bits about how if someone is not a Christian and tries to divorce religion from government, he is not a patriot.

"Of all the dispositions and habits, which lead to political prosperity, Religion and Morality are indispensable supports. In vain would that man claim the tribute of Patriotism, who should labor to subvert these great pillars of human happiness, these firmest props of the duties of Men and Citizens. The mere Politician, equally with the pious man, ought to respect and to cherish them. A volume could not trace all their connexions with private and public felicity. Let it simply be asked, Where is the security for property, for reputation, for life, if the sense of religious obligation desert the oaths, which are the instruments of investigation in Courts of Justice? And let us with caution indulge the supposition, that morality can be maintained without religion. Whatever may be conceded to the influence of refined education on minds of peculiar structure, reason and experience both forbid us to expect, that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle."
I mean, I don't have it memorized. But it was a dream, so in dream world I had it dream memorized.

Obama actually threw something at me to stop me from talking. I told him I can accept other religions as patriots, but someone who will not even give people the freedom to pray in public if they want to is no citizen. He was pissed. Especially since what was he supposed to do? Badmouth Washington?? It was a quote. Not just my own opinion. Yep. He was one pissed off fellow.

But then, after he left, I got a phone call from him. It was a flattering call, and he asked me to be the chief of his fire department. It was like bodyguards, but to prevent fires that might occur around him. It was a very real honor. Ah, dreams. Gotta love 'em. My sister Lee was thrilled! She said, "Oh, he admires you after all." I knew better. He hated me, and wanted me on his side, because I and my words were a threat he didn't want to have to fight. He wanted me to join him, instead of having to fight against me. I wasn't thrilled and had absolutely no intention of joining him. I kept telling my sister Lee that I would find a quote for her from the book Unwind by Neil Schusterman, about a guy who was playing politics, and how I had to be smarter than to fall for this trick. I'll find the quote when I find that book... In the dream I never could find the correct page in order to read the quote. It's where Risa is trying to explain to Connor just how dangerous Roland is, and pointing out the politics he is subtly weaving around all of them. I was showing my sister, to prove to her that I was in danger, and not that Obama liked me.

I was then asked to be an aide to the president-elect, who was also black coincidentally, and would take over the presidency in June/July. That's when that happens, you know. Of course I was thrilled to accept that offer. I realized with sadness though that that meant I only had until June/July before I'd be leaving my life and my job that I love and moving to Washington DC (which I also loved when I visited in real life... there is something about that city that is just.... absolutely insane. Quiet classic architecture and gardens that fill you with peace, with a bustling crime-filled helicopter-filled noisiness that just makes you want to pull your teeth out... it intrigued me) or sometimes another country, depending on where the need was for me to be. And I knew I needed to avoid Obama until then, for my own safety. I also seemed, in the dream, to know several celebrities, and occasionally eat lunch with them. I didn't much care about it. I also didn't have my hair like all the young female aides, and they wouldn't give me a second glance. I didn't fit in when it came to fashion. I also didn't care about that much. I figured to fit into the culture I might as well get a haircut in a few months, but who cared for now?

Anyway, our neighborhood guy was president-elect.

Dream; Alien war tactic-- human blindness. Grocery store. Crocheting problem-solving.

I was a human who knew about a plot by a bunch of human looking aliens to take over. Me and my friends had been at this for a while, and we had all been changed in some way. The young man I was friends with, he had been turned by friendly aliens into someone who could switch his own form between the two species, while the real aliens had to just cover themselves with our skin. Yes, this is completely based on that V TV show. I haven't been able to watch it this season, and I guess I want to know what happens, so I'm making it up myself in my dreams. But the characters are all different and the aliens are different and there is a small third set of alien that looks like it's more from Stargate Universe than V.

Anyway, I seemed to have turned into someone who could know what was going on, figure out all of the plans, be prepared for the next bit.

The part of their plan to take over that we were at at this point was when they blinded everyone. They had a gigantic bright light in the sky, some sort of non-destructive explosion or something, that was so bright it destroyed the eyes of everyone. I knew about it, and I was able to close and cover my eyes and hide them into the ground. Even then I could still see light through my hands and eyes, and everything still seemed dark at first right after, but at the least I didn't go blind and my eyes recovered. I had another person with me who also was able to save their eyesight.

The friend who could change form was up on a spaceship at the beginning with a set of good aliens on another ship who wanted to help us. He didn't choose to be able to change form. He somehow accidentally got injected with something or some of their blood or a germ or something. But he could control it mostly and it was useful, so yeah. When he was around aliens in their own natural form, he automatically changed and was unable to control it. If only humans, he also changed to human and couldn't control it. Kind of chameleon-esque. I don't know if it was him or a girl who saved her eyesight along with me.

We were in some downtown-esque city again, I almost got pulled over by an undercover cop. But for some reason he turned the other way after I pulled off.

After I and I think this other girl, after we were the only two humans that could still see, the aliens just started assuming that we were aliens as well. They did plan to have another light flash at an unexpected time just to get rid of people like me. But I knew about it and with my ability to know what would happen, I would know when it happened. I planned to be inside this time, it would be easier. Down in a basement with no windows.
 So I decided to go home. I was at our neighbor's house across the street, hiding out in the garage. There were these small cute alien looking aliens who were playing some kind of seemingly pointless game from some gel-like balls they had. I don't know if they could intelligently help us fight, or not. But it was their presence that made me have my strange insight into all that was happening and who everyone really was, human or alien.

So I ran home across the street, pretending to be an alien to all the aliens I met on the way. I jumped high over the sideway and was going to do some fancy jump, but ended up only doing a tuck jump because I thought people might be watching me. I landed on my feet and quickly fell, laughing at myself. Random bit of the dream. One of the stronger images I remember.

Goodness. It's like TV dream. Next dream to play in was Caprica. In Caprica, I didn't watch much of it, but I know there was this 'family' that had multiple husbands and multiple wives. I went to a home in my own dream that had that type of family. One of the wives was an alien from the bad side. She was a very pretty petite wavy curly haired young woman, very pretty and very gentle. She ended up being very devoted to this family and had changed sides to human. I was still a bit worried about her, but not badly.

I was preparing for the next flash when the dream ended. Two more flashes and they'd assume anyone able to see would be alien. They'd be able to take over our planet. And I and my two friends would continue to fight them.

At some point I also had a dream about shopping in a grocery store. There is a popular grocery chain around here, and they've been upgrading their stores the last few years. This one was by my house, and they'd upgraded it. The vegetables figured prominently in the store... I like shopping for veggies. And my debit card wasn't working very well, kind of bent and cracking. But it worked when I turned it.

I thought this grocery bit was the only dream I had for about fifteen minutes after waking and wasn't going to write it down. It wasn't until I started reading Unicorns in the Rain by Barbara Cohen and got to a bit about something small inside a shopping bag moving around that I remembered the small balls the cute aliens were playing with and the rest of the dream came back. I know that small alive thing in the bag is an exotic hamster, because I read the story a long long time ago. We lost the book, and I always wanted to read it again. I finally bought it. This is all real life. Anyway, it brought back this other dream, at least bits of it. As always there was a LOT more that happened, full of plot, and I can't remember it. My dreams are so rich, I write a lot even when I remember only a small fraction of it. At least even when I can't remember it all, I can still remember how much I enjoyed being in the story (that I now can't recall).

I also in real life am thread crocheting a scarf. Or trying. I'm kind of making it up as I go, and trying to keep it simple. The thing about crocheting back and forth though with gaps between stitches is that without a pattern it can be a little tricky to keep it the same width across the entire length of your stitching. It can taper off, in a way. I couldn't figure out last night how to keep the edges straight. I then figured it out in my dream before I woke up. In real life, I am now crocheting what is looking to be a perfectly decent scarf of some as of yet unknown finished appearance. Maybe I'll post a picture at some point? Who knows.

Dream; Downtown shopping and hospital visit

I seemed to be out on the town with a boy/man.  This boy man was, in dream fashion, many things at once, contradictory things, all rolled into one. He was, as stated, a boy at times, and a man at times. He was my brother at times, and my old alzheimer's client I helped care for a few years ago during what was probably very close to the end of his life. We were shopping around just for kicks in downtown. I wandered off and found an entire floor devoted to fancy ballroom and prom dresses. It rarely happens, but sometimes it does, and at this time, I felt in the mood to try some on. I only got to one. It was pink with a dark blue transparent cloth draped around it, with green transparent wrapped sideways around the waist, with shiny pink and blue and purple butterflies embroidered in the green, and also some in that blue. It was a one-piece dress. But of course it was three pieces when I tried it on. First I put on the skirt, just out in the open. I had to pull the transparent pieces around me, because they were bunched at the front for storage. And by this time, when I went to try on the top, it had morphed into a separate piece, and it was just plain white with two shoulder straps and one neck strap, and it was kind of see-through, and my brother who actually now was a boy interested in me and not related to me (so three in one so far) had showed up and wanted me to change in front of him but I went to the changing room. Unfortunately I had no strapless bra, so I had to leave my undershirt on to try it on, and it messed up the entire look, and it was just cheap looking white for a shirt anyway. By this point I didn't like the dress anymore. It wasn't till we left that I remembered what it had originally been, and imagined it on me instead of trying it on me; it was almost just as satisfactory.

We left, and at some point in the dream, we were walking down the street in downtown, and I was under a pavilion or overhang of some kind, but this boy/man got ahead of me. There was a sudden downpour of enormous tennis ball sized hail, and someone screamed because their child or something was killed, and I looked around and my boy/guy (who seemed like a small child to me right then in the dream) was nowhere around me, so I ran out and searched for him. I found him sitting on a street with his knees pulled up and he was stunned, with white hail sitting around everyone. He seemed to have been hit on the forehead. He also seemed like a small boy, my brother my age, and my Alzheimer's patient wandered off, all at once. I took him to a doctor, and they saw him. On the way he got hit in the head with a tennis or baseball too. So we got there and I asked them to check for a concussion. They took a measuring tape to his head. No X-ray. I was irritated. But then they told me, "Yeah, he seems bad enough, you should take him up to floor 5 to have him checked out." So this was just a screeening area. You could tell the hospital was trying to save funds.

We got up there and I had to really stress that he had been hit in the head by hail, and by a baseball, and was stunned, and look at this big bump on his head that just appeared in my dream that must have been what they were measuring downstairs, before they would see him. There was something about government insurance only paying for two health problems per person per year. They were really stingy with their medicine.

Anyway, they asked me for some information regarding his treatment, and I had to go back downstairs to find out for them. But the elevator was so slow. So I gave it up and decided, in my worry and with how hurried I felt, to take the stairs. I got whatever I needed (and can't now remember) from the first floor (actually now I think it was the second). I ran up the stairs. The third floor was empty. I ran up the stairs. The fourth floor was empty and wide open and housed giant bronze statues or mannequins stored lying on their back, just a few in a few spots on the mostly empty floor. I remember thinking, "this is what hospitals do with unused floors"... actually in real life there is a new hospital that took a while to get all of the floors and wings into use, so that's why I thought that in the dream. I finally got back upstairs.

Later the dream was weird. It was like I was in a room, but the rooms kept changing. Like you could change rooms the same way you can change internet web pages. Sometimes you stumbled into other's rooms, but no matter. There was someone boiling potatoes, and I accidentally put a bunch of chopped celery into the pot. Which was also a blender. Except I had to add a bunch of pepper and salt to the blend and stir it by hand to mix it. It was going to be fed to people in another changeable room, which was an airplane and this was airplane food. Even though it was ruined. There were no consequences for me. I tried to make it as good as possible, but mashed potatoe and celery... ugh.

I don't remember much else. I actually only remembered a vision of the potato/celery blender bit when I woke up, and thought that was stupid. The rest came back to me about five minutes after waking up, and I realized it was interesting enough to record. I wasn't going to record the potato mixed with celery.

There were other things that I can almost but not quite recall, kind of irritating. But oh well.

Two dreams; sister road trip. love on the road.

The first dream was a road trip. My youngest sister Bree and I were both going together, and we took separate cars. She followed me in mine. We took a road East a long way, out into the country, which was spring and quite green. Then we turned off onto this sort of side road, it was crooked and went Northeast. Then we came to a North South running road, and turned left onto it, heading North. This road was called Whitehead Rd. I had a map, so I was watching out the window, and also periodically looking at the map. There were trees, lots of wide fields, all of it green. The roads were dirt.

As it started to get darker, while we were recently turned down Whitehead, Bree needed to go to the bathroom. In the middle of nowhere. So we pulled off the side of the road where there wasn't a house, and made a sort of block with the cars. My car on the left, hers on the right, we opened my front right door and her front left door to make the front 'wall' and my back door with me standing there to make the back wall, and she went to the bathroom where no one could see. A couple of cars passed in the dark, but she had her privacy. One of the cars heading south though turned around and pulled up behind us as she was finishing. It was a cop or sheriff in his patrol car.

Bree is the one who can talk herself out of cop trouble, so I let her talk to him. She wandered over to his side of the car. He opened the door though and was not friendly. "It's illegal to park here!" he told us, and was going to give us a ticket. "Also, I'm going to have to tow that one," I heard as I sat in my driver seat, and he said it about my sister's car. She looked at him. "What??" she said. Then she lost it. "No!" she screamed. But she was trying not to lose control, so instead of a high pitched scream, it was low pitched. I reached up and gently grabbed her shoulders and pulled her towards me. "Calm down, wait here," and I went to talk to him as he muttered something about, "Better call your parents," and I caught on that Bree hadn't told my parents she was using this car for the drive, and they must have reported it stolen. Of course there was no cell phone service in the area, so he was being cruel. As he walked between the two cars (now that I think of it, where she peed. funny, didn't think of that till now, awake), I saw a bright red flash in the sky off to my right over the field. It was quick, and very red. But small. Like a star or a planet, and it did not light up the entire sky. It left a star-ish light in the sky, and no one else saw it. It was a little worrisome.

Unfortunately at that point I woke up. Middle of the night bathroom break.

When I went back to bed, I had another dream. This time, I was with our entire family. We were still out in the countryside, picking our way down the road, stepping over toys and stuff under tall cottonwood trees as we walked through a neighborhood. A very sparse neighborhood with houses on only one side of the road, and fields all around. A little farther north on Whitehead. We came to a family owned restaurant, and it was packed. Sunday afternoon I think. We went in and ate. I had eggs, and then a pancake until I realized it was a pancake and had wheat which I guess I shouldn't eat these days. So I didn't finish that. But the food was exquisite. Our waiter came out at the end, and was refilling my cup. A young man, not too shabby looking. When he refilled my cup, he put his arms around both sides of me, and I thought that was just their way of doing it in these parts, but then he put his mouth right up to my ear, and I realized he liked me. Thing was, in the dream, it wasn't creepy at all. Partly because you could tell if people in these parts liked someone, it was only one person. He wouldn't be doing it to anyone else. It was also something we laughed at in the dream, and I poked his face trying to teasingly push him away, because I felt a little uncomfortable and embarrassed around my family and so I pushed my finger into his cheek or neck and held it there. Didn't phase him though it should have hurt. My dad took a picture of us like that.

Anyway, the restaurant closed. I came back later, while he was cleaning. He was young, but worked the tables, but also he partly owned the restaurant with his family, and was really responsible at taking care of it. He was a homeschooled Christian, and his family brought me into their kitchen and told me that he always does what God tells him to do, and that I was exactly the type of girl he wanted to marry, and I was the one he was going to marry, and God had told him to. Would NOT go over well in real life, but in the dream, it was believable that he really was a prophet of some kind... not just believable. In the dream, he really was. And I just knew that. Anyway, I didn't react much to their declaration, but I believed it, and he had already started to win my heart with his mouth near my ear thing and with him just having proved to be a great young man. He was, in the dream.

I stuck around the restaurant trying to learn the ropes and help cook things. I'd be cooking and they'd already be eating. OH! So my old roommate came in with her new follower, and I was in the kitchen while he was talking with them. They didn't know I was there. They were talking bad about me and he got fed up with it. He started saying I was pregnant, just to play a joke on them. I found it hilarious, because I knew they'd make it a rumor. And it showed he got fed up with their drama.

Later, somehow, we transitioned to the city, and he and I were trying to find some terrorists because they were going to bomb it. We actually walked right in on the building they had rigged to blow. Oops. We got out of there quick. We had a shoot out with some of them. And probably stopped it all, but I think that's when I woke up for real. But yes, young prophet fiance and myself were fighting terrorists. Such a bizarre dream.

Dream; Liners and Characters

We were all on this hill, it was beautiful. There was a grand lake on the one side, I've been there before, it's in my dream world. Up on top of a mountain hill next to the lake, there was a buried cannon from world war II, and some places for fighters to hide. I looked into the cannon when I was the first to find it, just shortly. Afterward we told no one else to stick there head by it, in case jostling it could make it fire, in case anything was still there... like how a lost bomb could still explode, so everyone is wary if they find a missile or bomb that was a dud. Behind those were some rickety bleachers of some kind. Too rickety to walk on. Made of pressed wood material on a metal frame. Down the back side of the hill was a glassy pond that when the air stirred, the pond got foggy and wrinkled with waves. Just a little air movement, and the whole pond was stirred. There was a neighborhood in the corner of the lake right next to the hill in the back, which had as the best feature a row of large trees in each yard, rimming the pond. There were platforms in each with tree houses built on each for the children. Like ten or so in a row. One had an empty pad without a current tree house on it, probably the real house tenants had just moved in and hadn't yet made their customized tree house. They were all different. I only saw them from across the pond on the hill. When looking at the pond, it was kind of a rich dark color due to the shade of the mountains, and it was in the shape of an L, sort of. A bubbly round L. :) In front it had the main part, and off to our right and behind slightly, it went into the hill we stood on (so the hill also was shaped around this pond). The houses were on that right L bit, on the other side.

From here it was time for me to go away from my parents to a sort of school or conference or something. Once I got away from home, everything changed. It turned out my parents had been shielding me. There were two sides in life. The Liners and the Characters. The Characters were in control, and they insisted that everything in life be curved. The Liners liked lines. Straight sleeves on clothes, straight legs when walking, lines in books, etc. I got in a lot of trouble because I was too naive and didn't know about this argument. I was trying so hard to avoid this man who was chasing me throughout the duration of the dream, trying his hardest to prove to others that I was a Liner, so that he could arrest me. He was with me a lot, but I did my best to hide that I was more like a Liner than not, although I never declared myself on any side. No one in life cares about that though, when it comes down to it. It's all about the actions in the end. I spent some time at home. An old man was watching our home, and he agreed to do it for free if he could garden. I can't remember if he was a Character or a Liner, but he was trying to help me, I remember that.

I was trying to stand by my ideals of a Liner, which had been passed to me by my parents before I even knew of the conflict. Because of course it was totalitarian and awful to arrest anyone just for believing in the usefulness of a straight line. So I didn't like the Characters. I recognized the usefulness of curves. But lines also.

I would hide in bathrooms. Oh, I was eating grapes, and tried one. It was actually a red-skinned potato. I cut off the skin and was going to toast it into chips. I really want to do that still in real life now. The people who the potato belonged to realized I had taken one, and were waiting for me to admit it, trying to trap me into saying something. I never did until finally they asked me about it. I told them that I thought it was a grape and I had taken it, but I had thrown it away later because it was soggy and not very good, which was true.

I  guess that's all. It is a less logical dream, so it's harder to remember it. But it was very high in having a story plot and different characters, I just can't remember it all. It was quite the effort to remember what I did, including refusing to open my eyes when I snoozed my alarm, and taking thirty minutes to wake slowly. There was the gardener man. There was the man trying to prove I was a Liner. There were my parents. There were the two friends, a boy and girl, with the potatoes. They were Characters, but raised that way, and mostly happy to be my friend. I think we were in school together. There was my adopted brother at the beginning looking at the cannon with me. I guess those are the main ones.

I'm noticing all my dreams reflect real life somehow. For example, yesterday I was told a real story that one of our foreign clients at my agency was accused by the police of a hit and run accident. He is probably innocent, but the police (in a more corrupt part of town) were basically fishing and trying to coerce him into confessing, and threatening him with jail if he didn't. Kind of like the guy following me was trying to prove I was a guilty Liner, and the friends were trying to prove the bit about the potato.