Dream; Protecting singer and boy from assassin.

I was with Beth, and we were in a large hotel. A lot happened before this, but all I remember is the end. We walked down a bunch of stairs. I think I was in this hotel another night this week in the dreams I can't remember, and there is an excellent swimming pool there. Anyway, I followed her down the stairs. Open stairs with glass banister walls, and you can see out into the entire hotel courtyard, which is several floor levels tall. Inside plants. Must have been giant sky lights at the top. Open and airy and deep red carpet and really quite beautiful, like hotels. Went down several flights of stairs, following Beth. I just remember the scene, and it was very beautiful.

And then the story changed. I came across Lady Gaga. And I had been sent to get her because one of her security detail was going to murder her! I told her this, and she believed me right then because a bunch of rough folk on motorcycles went riding past right then into the hotel, including someone she glimpsed as a member of her security detail. Luckily she was behind a column and they didn't see her. So then we got her out of her wig and makeup so that she was a regular normal person, and I got her out of there. A few saw us and I had to shoot them dead... and this is when we come to why I was the one sent. Apparently I was some sort of superhero, and I could shoot something deadly (never figured out what... lazer bullets? poison? small knives? no idea) from my finger tips, and I killed people. So I got her out of there. We ended up hiding out in a nice apartment farther away. But when I say nice, I mean nicer than what a low income person would hide in. It was more like what a poor young adult just out of college would live in. Kind of cute and quaint. Anyway, we looked in several first, trying to find an empty one. I peeked in one that I recognized (as in, actually recognized). Now that I'm awake, I know that I've never been in an apartment like that, so I really wonder if I had seen it before in a different dream. I said earlier that I'm starting to suspect that happens. I finally found an empty apartment and in we went. So we hid out in there, and stayed away from the windows, waiting for the gang to leave.

One problem. While she was away hiding in another room under a bed or in a closet or something, and I was looking around the apartment, in walks the young man who is living in the apartment. Oops!

He was pretty vivid. Guess I was in an almost romantic mood in the dream and needed the romantic hero? Who knows. Anyway, let's see if I can describe him; I'm bad at describing people. Well built but lean. Average height. Blond wavy hair down to his ears. Caucasian. ...that's all I've got for you. About twenty five or twenty six years old, I should think. Twenty seven?? You get the idea.

So he walked in and saw me, and all my tough super hero feelings went out the window. I've noticed this in real life too. If I am helping someone else, or taking care of someone else, or comforting someone else; I am nearly fearless. If it's for myself, I become completely terrified. Well anyway, he walks in, and the crazy gang is going around outside right then, and he kind of gets the point, and I just admit to him what's happening and ask him to not give us away. I think he agrees to help.

Anyway, next thing I remember, he has actually turned into an older she, and in typical dream fashion this character becomes both a young man and an older woman of about fifty, grey hair pulled back in bun and also skinny, about fifty-five. And not only is there the singer that I am trying to protect, but now there is also a small boy, and I am trying to keep both of them safe, and they are both being hunted by the gang, who is definitely based on (but very different) to the good guys in the Chemical Romance music video Sing. But of course my gang is on motorcycles and they are the bad guys, and there are a lot more of them. But that video made it to my dreams.

And that's about all that happened. I started to wake up and actually forgot everything, and was so mad that I went back to sleep and stayed half asleep with my eyes closed until I remembered. I was pretty angry. I have discovered that the best way to remember is to come up with words while dreaming. I will forget the images, but if I say to myself key words, I remember those and it brings everything rushing back when I wake up. Today I remembered "Beth, stairs, Lady Gaga," and that helped me hold onto everything as I passed over that sleep/awake with eyes closed line.

Song; Chemical Romance, Sing

I find that while songs don't normally get me thinking in deep ways, this one has. It's also making me very sad.

The song is Sing, by Chemical Romance. I really adore the music, I think it's a beautiful sounding song.

In real life, I have been watching the way another culture interacts within their own families. They do everything wrong, according to us. The parents are supposed to give the children anything they ask for, and not say no. Older siblings are supposed to give to younger. Even when the children grow up. Not what we do.
At the same time, the children must give absolute obedience to the parents, even as adults married with their own families, and the younger siblings must obey the older, again, even as adults.
So different from us. But the result is different as well. Unlike here in America, everyone in their culture loves children, it's the most obvious thing in the world to them. The parents actually care for and spoil their children, and love and love and love them till it's almost too much to bear to watch from the outside. I want to cry when I see it. And the children end up growing up with such gratitude and respect that they care for and become the providers of their parents as soon as they are old enough, and take care of them into old age.
The result is that families have babies, children, young adults, young married parents, older parents, grandparents, great grandparents, all living in a closely knit community of family where people are not scared to be open and vulnerable and love and have feelings. They feel. They have hearts. I regain my heart when I am around them. It is a very safe environment to love others from the deepest part of your heart. This is what 'those' people mean when they say the family is being destroyed in America; we are losing this community of obligation and love and duty and safety and... I don't know. Obviously I can't make it sound appealing if you are bent against it. But I love it. We all miss it, perhaps only in our weak moments for those bent against, but the loneliness that is taken for granted in America is non-existent in this culture, and several of the others I work with. They just don't have that loneliness. Period. It's hard for them to imagine.

As one of the members of this culture and myself were discussing last night, mothers don't even breast feed their babies... they don't give of themselves, they don't want to be close. Breast feeding is almost taboo (almost, not quite). It's just one symptom of the selfishness and disconnection of our culture.


Anyway, I looked up the lyrics today for that song by Chemical Romance. With the above thoughts in my mind, this song became a profound example of our culture and what we feel, and it filled me with sadness.


-Sing it out,
Boy, you got to see what tomorrow brings.
Sing it out,
Girl, you got to be what tomorrow needs.
-For every time.
That they want to count you out,
Use your voice,
every single time you open up your mouth.
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-Sing it out,
Boy, they're gonna sell what tomorrow needs
Sing it out,
Girl, they're gonna kill what tomorrow brings
You've got to make a choice,
If the music drowns you out.
And raise your voice,
Every single time they try and shut your mouth.
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-Cleaned-up corporation progress,
Dying in the process.
Children that can talk about it,
Living on the webways.
People moving sideways,
Sell it till your last days.
Buy yourself the motivation,
Generation nothing.
Nothing but a dead scene,
Product of a white dream.
I am not the singer that you wanted,
but a dancer.
I refuse to answer,
Talk about the past,
Sir and wrote it for the ones who want to get away.
-Keep running!
-Sing it for the boys,
Sing it for the girls,
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world.
Sing it from the heart,
Sing it till you're nuts,
Sing it out for the ones that'll hate your guts.
Sing it for the deaf,
Sing it for the blind,
Sing about everyone that you left behind.
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
-You've got to see what tomorrow brings!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.
Yeah, you've got to be what tomorrow needs!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.

Everything I thought regarding this all was just based on feelings. Keep that in mind.

My first thought was "What is the 'it' that we are supposed to sing about?" It bothered me, because it is so much a part of our culture, this vagueness that sounds deep but ends up meaning absolutely nothing. Sing it. Sing what? It's like, "Just have faith." In what? There is no such thing as having faith without there being something to have it in. So sing it.... sing what? But maybe there is a vague idea of it in there. "Every time they try to count you out, speak up." And so that's it. We are singing for ourselves. Singing to be counted... but counted for what? There is nothing. Just counted because in our culture, we are nothing if we are not individual, and so we are all the same in our pointless attempt to be individual for the sake of nothing but individuality. What do you get? How to be individual just to be an individual? Well. You have to be cut off. Alone. Independent, and disconnected for others. Selfish. It is incredibly selfish to insist on being heard just to be heard.

And then the song just morphs into a complaint about the dead corporate culture that eats away at our children. As if corporations, which provide jobs for people, are the source of the dying sentiment I feel in this song. The very thing the song seems to promote, the fight to be heard just to be heard and an individual just to be an individual, are, I would argue, what create the sense of dying and death that this song rails against. But it seems to want you to fight the wrong thing, mere organizations of people trying to work to stay alive (why?), when the thing that causes the symptoms they want to fight are exactly what they are saying to fight it with. It doesn't work.

Sing it for the world. Sing it for those who will hate your guts. If you have a noble song, these are noble sentiments. But do we?  Sing it for the ones you left behind. But why leave them behind? That's why you are in a dying culture; you left behind the ones you needed to be with, to provide for, to have an obligation to. You've got to see what tomorrow brings. What if it is bad? Because you are taking yourself down the wrong selfish path? You've got to be what tomorrow needs. What is that? I assure you it is not someone singing out nothings at the top of their lungs just to be heard for the sake of being heard, even if there is nothing to be said.  Singing 'it' is just not good enough, and it will be pointless to sing it for boys and girls. There is no help in that, and no better tomorrow for the boys and girls in that. There is just more of a dying hopeless trapped selfish disconnected world of individuals.

And yet the song is upbeat, inspirational sounding. And to my culture, it's an inspiring song. A song of pointless nothingness and blaming organizations of people who are working to provide for another organization of people (their families) or organizations of people who are working for themselves alone, the fact that this inspires my culture and is related to on a deep felt level by my culture... it makes me sad. It seems like a dying culture. It seems like my own culture is dying.

And then the video as well. I can see that the video is part of a bigger picture of more videos along the same theme and with the same actors. But that aside.

I don't know if this is what the na,na,na and Sing videos represent but I like to think that the "killjoys" represent the spirit of youth, imagination, happiness. the little girl represents children everywhere, the "destroyer" represents the strictness of adults, the "scarecrows" represent the "money side" of adults. where all they care is business. and the asian chick represents ignorance when adults see a child with a great mind as just a child.  -colombiansoldier1003 on youtube.

It is. It's like a song directed at children telling them to remain children.

Dream; Beauty and the Beast remake. New wedding?

Beauty and the Beast. No Gaston. His name was Dallon. At first I thought I was in the movie. Then I realized it was a remake of the movie. Everyone wore masks to play the parts. Pretty good masks and costumes, but it was live-action. I had to go into the castle ahead of Dallon to reach the beast. I went through three gold-colored gates, all in a row, where people who attacked would get stuck and hot things and arrows thrown down on them through holes in the walls above. I then got inside and went down an upward slanting hallway, quite richly decorated, very wide. Then turn right a second time and above the gated area below, was a staircase that went upward. Get up to the top, and another right turn had you in another hallway room. Dallon caught up with me here. He kept trying to throw a knife at me as I tried to prevent him from going down the next bend of the hallway (this one went left) and down to the rooms, in which one of them the beast was on the roof outside his room. It was a remake of the Disney movie... but plenty of similarities. I was not Beauty. The clock man was the most normal looking, without a mask, just a clock painted on his face, the time constantly changing. I kept trying to block his knife throwing with a sword, or with my little knife, but mostly I had to just distract him from throwing it before I got around the bend, because there was no way I'd be able to defend myself if he actually threw it at me. Anyway, something else happened that I must forget. Then, there was a little mouse who carried around scissors everywhere, named Sniss. We were always trying to get him to calm down and not cause damage. There was Dale... a fairly evil slave dealer.... except maybe he was the one who helped me escape? And after I escaped, there was this other guy who helped shield me until we got to my mom and dad's wedding. I was with the guy who was shielding me; I had come back in time to help my earlier self. Got to the wedding in the fancy building in downtown, and discovered they weren't marrying any others, just themselves again. It was just an anniversary vow renewal ceremony... which I hate the idea of. What's the point of a vow if it has to be renewed?? Anyway...

A Break

Because I tend to need to write down my dreams before I even get out of bed, requiring a laptop, which is currently crashed, leaving me with only a desktop on another level of the house, I probably won't be recording my dreams until we get Windows reloaded on the laptop. Yep.

Dreams; cities getting richer

Funny. When I spent most of my time in the suburbs or the college town, any dreams I had of big cities were just like the big cities. Grey and dirty and trapped feeling. But now that I'm spending lots of time in that area of town... my mind must have more to go off of. And the dreams in downtown cities are becoming just as magical as every other location. The cities are always full of color, lights, decorative trees and shrubs in gardens, bright shiny glass, and lots more. They are absolutely gorgeous.

Dream; Snow driving, Intent on buying thread.

I remember being at a fast food restaurant and trying to keep or help someone else keep a job there. I was also driving in the snow at night. On the drive home from the fast food restaurant, I drove down the hill and looked out toward the interstate highway. It was hilly, and I noticed for the first time (even though it had happened all my life, and even to me, although being in a car, I'd never noticed it before) that every time a car went over a hill, it jumped into the air from the momentum at the top, and sometimes went so high as thirty feet before coming back down.

Then I remember being in a store, like the size of Costco or Sam's Club or maybe Home Depot. There was an aisle, that tall, that on the second shelf had huge skeins of doily crocheting thread, and they were cheap, and in many colors, and I wanted to buy some. But I couldn't reach them. No one tall enough would help me (well, one did once, but then he left and I still needed more help). There was no ladder. Climbing on the first shelf would make the entire aisle tip over on me. It would be bad. I noticed some plastic bucket bins behind me, I tried standing on them, but they were too light, wobbly, and not tall enough. The shelf was maybe ten-thirteen feet above me. There was no employee with a mini-tractor thing they have at those stores for reaching the top shelves. I finally found that I could knock some of the skeins off by shaking the shelving thing. I got two that way. Not enough. I wanted four, I think. I finally noticed bigger plastic bins that were heavier and steadier behind me and used them to reach up. Then I woke up. I think this dream went on for an hour or so.... who knows in waking life. However, in dream world, I concentrated on getting that thread down for a REALLY long time, so much so that when I woke up, I wondered what in the world I was thinking and why it was so important to figure it out.

Dream; Deadly scavenger hunt where one meets serial killers

I was part of a team, and there were two of us. We were racing through a multi-story building that was actually a huge museum. I think I've been there before in my dreams, in a different section of it. But I think it was the same museum. This game was a sort of scavenger hunt, with us going from floor to floor to find things. However it was a deadly game. One of the floors was a forest, and my partner didn't kill the person from the other team who found us, but she tried to kill us, and we had to tie her, and then keep shooting back through the trees at her to keep her concentration off enough that we were able to run away safely, especially after she got loose and started shooting at us. She had a small pistol or small gun, I had a rifle. I never targeted her. We ran down the path, until we came to the edge of the building and found an elevator. We then went up the elevator to the top floor. It was mostly closed, all the rooms. It was a children's floor. No one there had the list of what we were supposed to find there. The other team was made out to have already been there so we'd hurry, but I knew they hadn't been there yet. We were the first to reach it. They'd be coming soon though. Eventually we found the clues, and then we waited. Others came. Finally they said if you were in love with someone, to come to the final room because they had something to read to us. If not, then if you didn't show by four, they'd read it to all. It seemed private and like you should go. There ended up being several of us, and we all knew we were in love with someone else there. I saw the guy I loved come in and sit on the other side. I knew he also loved me. They basically just read notes saying if we'd actually work out together or not. However they passed the notes down the line, and if you saw it and pretended you didn't know what it said, you could pass it on quickly and wait for one more favorable. So no one took them seriously. The museum floor opened and kids and their parents came in as we finished. One of the walls had a door missing, just had a heavy plastic door (like what you'd see at a meat department in a grocery store, or a swinging plastic door into the back of a grocery store) and outside of that, a drop of several stories, with a beautiful light green and blue foggy far view of the countryside with the sun playing on the distant hills, and fresh cool air coming in through the window. I think I could feel it. I loved to stand at the door, carefully holding myself back, and peak my head out and breath the air and stare out. I also had lost my shirt somehow and only had a small towel to hold, and I was mortified to stand or do anything because I was afraid of exposing my back and possibly front. I really wanted my love, who was there, to offer his jacket. Unfortunately that would show others who was in love with me which was still dangerous, and also I think he kind of liked it and didn't want me to cover up my back. I was feeling particularly modest about my back. And also I think he didn't have a jacket, only a shirt, so then he would be somewhat uncovered, which was also mortifying. I sat reading a book lying on my stomach, and he came in at one point, when no one was there, and then he gave me a jacket.

There was some hotshot young lover man going around, and he had his note saying he'd be successful with his particular love. He found his girl, and the dream transitioned to them sitting far out in the desert alone, because again, they didn't want anyone to know who they were. Maybe not a desert. It was more like a dry winter prairie on a sunny day. Blue sky. Bright dead grass as far as the eye could see, but yeah, with cacti and bushes in places. It was like a movie, and had the constraints of your typical PG-13 movie. They were sitting, him with his shirt off, and she undressed but had on his shirt. They sat and started talking. Well, he started talking about how in the past this had always gone wrong, and he was glad it would go well this time. I realized there was a girl lying behind the other girl that was watching, and the love girl hadn't noticed yet, neither had he. But she was there. She was a ghost haunting it, and she finally stood up and walked over to them. He complained that he was tired of her always ruining his love, and she laughed and pulled them up, and distracted him by arguing him until she had led both of them to a small natural pool of water with light dead reeds around it, and behind it an old abandoned prairie mansion, and in front of it a bunch of graves. Except you got closer and realized the line of women hadn't even been buried. He had serial killed them and then laid them out in a line on the dead bright tan grass, and this ghost was the first one and had talked with the other women killed, and they had decided it was time for her to come out and start preventing him from killing any others. They were in the back in various stages of rot. Anyway, the ghost killed him.

The dream then went back to me, and I was looking out the window on that high floor again. Then we all ended up going to a waterfall. It had various natural rock slides, but they were all pretty smooth and painless. Different ones. Maybe ten of them all in a row, as the waterfall was very wide, and not too tall. But it was perfectly steep, with just the slides slightly projecting out. On the right side, everyone was jumping down them without wearing anything, like children. They told me I had to do the same. I did once. It felt freeing and all. But men and women were both there. So then I went over to try another slide further down the left of the ridge, and there they said we could wear swimming suits, which I promptly did. I also stopped sliding and started just diving into the dark deep water from the top. About ten feet high. It was a lot of fun. I could really feel the water, and feel kicking back up to the surface, and holding my breath (I think I really did. I knew I didn't have to because it was a dream, but it felt like cheating... I think I held it in real life). It was very dark water.

Dream; Hill war

Last night I was on a hill. It was a country, or rather perhaps more like the village of a large tribe. They lived along this hill, more like the ravine part of it, with a cliff off to the side. I was often standing at the top, along a boardwalk. There was a boy who had slept for a long time, and he was upset to find so much had changed from before, hundreds of a years ago. It had come under a sort of bondage to gangster mob leaders as well.

Most interesting of all though was that criminals (or people they didn't like) were eventually placed in an unknown place to the rest of the people. Turns out there was a parallel society underneath the hill, under the cliff. People were banished there. But over the years it was children of criminals, not criminals. And... they were getting sick of being down there. When I got sent down, they were about to start their rebellion. They had grown strong over the years.

One of the gangsters thought to make a close friend of mine join him by killing his sister, so that he would be free. Naturally it didn't work.
And I forgot most of all of it. :)